going straight.
i chat. contrary to the popular belief that i don't. nothing serious.
except for this one i-thought-would-turn-out-to-be-just-nothing-serious.
randomly. i messaged this guy. a little chat here and there. we were just fooling around. he invited me to his cam. he's moreno, just a little taller than me. not totally stunning. but, he's charming with a nice smile. actually, i really thought he looked like derek ramsey. he was just back from Germany, as he was working there. and he was 25 that time.
of course, he knew who/what i am. we turned out to be regular chatmates. and it never failed that we'd drop an offline message whenever we missed each other. most times, the offline message would contain a certain time he or I would be online next. in that way, we'd be catching each other.
how-are-you's were eventually followed by hey!-i-miss-you's! we texted. he was Smart and i only had Globe that time. ok. i sent him load whenever he was not able to reply. and he used that load to update me with whatever he did. that included the family outings and how the resort was a bit unkept. that they moved to a new house. and mostly, of his whereabouts.
it went regular. we talked about the girls he met online. but, what really got me was whenever i made him smile, he would turn "invisible" so that i can have him all to myself. on most times, he took off his shirt for me. and just that. he never removed his pants and cap. with the cap, he said he was shy of showing his hair. but, he would submit everytime i asked him to take it off. he was "semikal." and when i asked him what's to be ashamed of about it, he'd just smile. that charming smile.
this went on until such point when we would be joking saying i-love-you's. some times, we'd be talking about the possibility of "us." we both agreed that we can't take things so fast.
to make it easier for us to communicate through text, i got a smart phone that Christmas break. i still sent him loads. we talked about us. anything that has to do with the idea of "us." time came that he started to call me everytime "everytime" i sent him loads. maybe not instantly. he'd call just anytime of the day. may it be 6am on weekends and midnights during weekdays. we often argued as he would insist, and i would tell him "it's too early in the morning. my voice is even hoarse." and all the time, he won. i'd just jump out of the bed to answer his call. he would just ask me what i would be doing for the day. or he'd tell me that he is at a bar with his brother and that he's not interested with the girls there. we talked about mature things. and ended with goodnight's, good day's or good morning's. and "i love you's."
at some points, he'd tell me that he's falling for me. and when i sounded doubting him, "but, that's how i feel", would be his reply. i knew, i fell for him too. we were a couple. there's an "us."
until one time.
we chatted. we talked about "us" and everything about "us." he was his normal self. except that it wasn't him! that should have been my clue. that avatar pic of a girl. it was his girlfriend i chatted with. i knew he had a gf as he told me about her. i went offline.
the next day, we chatted. not, the normal him. he was angry. and he told me to just cut everything between us. i was hurt. and he was sorry. but, he had to. he tried to make me understand. i couldn't! that time, he was not smiling anymore on cam. and it scared me that he was serious. i tried to keep my cool. and i had no choice. it was painful. he was still trying to make me understand. i ended up with a goodbye and i love you. he was sorry.
since then, we barely catch each other online. we would sometimes. but i just stared at his bold name. and when i dropped a line, he pushed me just the same.
now, it's been more than two years. i lost my smart phone. and i got a new one last Christmas break. since his number is also stored in my Globe, i decided to text him. he asked who i was. "rhyan, if you still remember me." and he replied with my full name. my first, second and sur names! and when i asked him how he was doing. he told me that he is going to have a baby. and he plans to keep his family intact. and that we can't start anew. he doesn't want to disappoint his wife. and i should be able to understand girls better. he was right.
just a few minutes earlier. he was online, i checked on him. his baby. his family. i only got a "?" mark. and several attempts of reply from him. i had that anticipation that everything might get ok between us when i see in the window "********* is typing a message." none was sent. maybe, he doesn't want to push me away and just chose to not say anything. he went offline. and i dropped a message, "i only needed someone to talk. with." because, earlier, and until now, i really do need someone to talk. with.
one thing i really liked about him is that he's smart. and we only talked in English. too bad, he's straight and decides to go straight. but, the memories he left me, give me hope.
except for this one i-thought-would-turn-out-to-be-just-nothing-serious.
randomly. i messaged this guy. a little chat here and there. we were just fooling around. he invited me to his cam. he's moreno, just a little taller than me. not totally stunning. but, he's charming with a nice smile. actually, i really thought he looked like derek ramsey. he was just back from Germany, as he was working there. and he was 25 that time.
of course, he knew who/what i am. we turned out to be regular chatmates. and it never failed that we'd drop an offline message whenever we missed each other. most times, the offline message would contain a certain time he or I would be online next. in that way, we'd be catching each other.
how-are-you's were eventually followed by hey!-i-miss-you's! we texted. he was Smart and i only had Globe that time. ok. i sent him load whenever he was not able to reply. and he used that load to update me with whatever he did. that included the family outings and how the resort was a bit unkept. that they moved to a new house. and mostly, of his whereabouts.
it went regular. we talked about the girls he met online. but, what really got me was whenever i made him smile, he would turn "invisible" so that i can have him all to myself. on most times, he took off his shirt for me. and just that. he never removed his pants and cap. with the cap, he said he was shy of showing his hair. but, he would submit everytime i asked him to take it off. he was "semikal." and when i asked him what's to be ashamed of about it, he'd just smile. that charming smile.
this went on until such point when we would be joking saying i-love-you's. some times, we'd be talking about the possibility of "us." we both agreed that we can't take things so fast.
to make it easier for us to communicate through text, i got a smart phone that Christmas break. i still sent him loads. we talked about us. anything that has to do with the idea of "us." time came that he started to call me everytime "everytime" i sent him loads. maybe not instantly. he'd call just anytime of the day. may it be 6am on weekends and midnights during weekdays. we often argued as he would insist, and i would tell him "it's too early in the morning. my voice is even hoarse." and all the time, he won. i'd just jump out of the bed to answer his call. he would just ask me what i would be doing for the day. or he'd tell me that he is at a bar with his brother and that he's not interested with the girls there. we talked about mature things. and ended with goodnight's, good day's or good morning's. and "i love you's."
at some points, he'd tell me that he's falling for me. and when i sounded doubting him, "but, that's how i feel", would be his reply. i knew, i fell for him too. we were a couple. there's an "us."
until one time.
we chatted. we talked about "us" and everything about "us." he was his normal self. except that it wasn't him! that should have been my clue. that avatar pic of a girl. it was his girlfriend i chatted with. i knew he had a gf as he told me about her. i went offline.
the next day, we chatted. not, the normal him. he was angry. and he told me to just cut everything between us. i was hurt. and he was sorry. but, he had to. he tried to make me understand. i couldn't! that time, he was not smiling anymore on cam. and it scared me that he was serious. i tried to keep my cool. and i had no choice. it was painful. he was still trying to make me understand. i ended up with a goodbye and i love you. he was sorry.
since then, we barely catch each other online. we would sometimes. but i just stared at his bold name. and when i dropped a line, he pushed me just the same.
now, it's been more than two years. i lost my smart phone. and i got a new one last Christmas break. since his number is also stored in my Globe, i decided to text him. he asked who i was. "rhyan, if you still remember me." and he replied with my full name. my first, second and sur names! and when i asked him how he was doing. he told me that he is going to have a baby. and he plans to keep his family intact. and that we can't start anew. he doesn't want to disappoint his wife. and i should be able to understand girls better. he was right.
just a few minutes earlier. he was online, i checked on him. his baby. his family. i only got a "?" mark. and several attempts of reply from him. i had that anticipation that everything might get ok between us when i see in the window "********* is typing a message." none was sent. maybe, he doesn't want to push me away and just chose to not say anything. he went offline. and i dropped a message, "i only needed someone to talk. with." because, earlier, and until now, i really do need someone to talk. with.
one thing i really liked about him is that he's smart. and we only talked in English. too bad, he's straight and decides to go straight. but, the memories he left me, give me hope.
3 bitchings and comments:
ahahahh! that girl! well, yes, i did. and he used that load to call me.
hi! "that girl" here. there was no clause about me not telling mike.heehee
you are so naive. (just trying to sound less harsh)
hi "that girl!" of course, like there was no clause about you not telling me. hahahah!
toinks! well, maybe. just maybe, i am.
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