this much.

with this whole thing that's going on in my head. i surely need some clarity.

what do you really want to happen now?
uhm. make him hate me? at least that's better than the indifference. after all, it's about time. i think that's it.

what do you want to happen next?
i don't know. i have nothing to risk. i don't even think we are friends now. i've lost him and the possibility of things getting ok between us.

are you ready to hurt him?
i just wanna get even now. it is seven years crushing all over me now. and it is so painful. i can take any mockery from him. much more from other people.

is this what you really want?
i don't know. honestly, i can't really hurt him in any way that i can possibly do now. i won't really afford to lose that littlest respect he has left for me. because i am sure, he can still associate me with his childhood. in any way.

somehow, i am certain, i still can't afford to hurt him. maybe, i just love him this much. and my best option right now, is to settle it with him.