missing you stanger.

at some point in our lives, we miss some- greatly. usually it's -one or -thing.

i miss UP. i am missing that day i danced in the rain and the chill that the banana shake sent through my nerves after. i miss running the stairs as to not get late for a class. i miss the faces i come across with in the corridors. much more, the faces i walk with, i sat with during lunchtime. i miss strutting down Katipunan. i miss closing the Starbucks there at 3am. ordering my third beverage upon waking up. walking out for a smoke or two. listening to a conversation or the noise that the people i see there everynight make. they're all familiar. but, remained to be strangers.

i am missing the familiar.

your face is one that i've accidentally learned to memorized by heart. but, as i imagine how weak those beautiful eyes make me and how hurt i feel as i trace that nose down to those lips, you are becoming just as a stranger as they were.

but, i am missing you stranger. so much that it hurts that even in my daydreams you remain to be...

a stranger.

devirginity. in her eyes.

raech mentioned to me once over the phone that she had a dream. but, she won't tell me that time. it had to be in person. then that day came and she was still ecstatic. the characters: me and a mestizo guy. the plot: my devirginity! and she was like behind the camera as she was actually seeing everything happening. my oh my! my devirginity. with a mestizo guy. uhm, wasn't i the one who is supposed to be dreaming about my own devirginity. at least, in my dreams.

a couple of weeks after, i was having this personal issue with a certain guy. personal. read: it was just my own issue and not of the guy's. crap! anyways, i showed her the picture of that guy. and she freaked out! it was him! the guy in my dreams! gawd rhye! sya un. ok. it wasn't her first time to see his pics. just some old pics i grabbed from friends. but, the ones i showed her that time were the recent. ok, it was startling. i know raech wouldn't lie about anything to me. maybe, she'll reserve some. but, not lie.

but, maybe, she could have been wrong. there is just a lot of mestizo guys. and others would look almost alike. maybe, it is really this guy that i was with in her dreams. i am posting this guy's pics just in case he'll be more familiar to her. afterall, they have similarities. both hot. goodlooking. and everything that is mestizo. well, i think it has to be corrected. they both don't look just like mestizo, but, full-bred. anyway, for clarity's sake, here are some pics for her to compare.






for some reasons, i hope that it was this guy.

raech, tell me you were wrong about the first guy!

uhm, either way, how can you be dreaming my dreams?

this much.

with this whole thing that's going on in my head. i surely need some clarity.

what do you really want to happen now?
uhm. make him hate me? at least that's better than the indifference. after all, it's about time. i think that's it.

what do you want to happen next?
i don't know. i have nothing to risk. i don't even think we are friends now. i've lost him and the possibility of things getting ok between us.

are you ready to hurt him?
i just wanna get even now. it is seven years crushing all over me now. and it is so painful. i can take any mockery from him. much more from other people.

is this what you really want?
i don't know. honestly, i can't really hurt him in any way that i can possibly do now. i won't really afford to lose that littlest respect he has left for me. because i am sure, he can still associate me with his childhood. in any way.

somehow, i am certain, i still can't afford to hurt him. maybe, i just love him this much. and my best option right now, is to settle it with him.