If that is the so-called goodbye.

thoughts on leaving someone behind and on leaving someone that is leaving.

you would feel closer to someone you left behind and is staying home. because when you think of that person, you can imagine him walking on the streets you used to walk, bumping into people you used to bumped into with.

when you left someone who ain't staying home, you won't be able to imagine the streets he is walking, people he is meeting.

but, you know, in whatever season it is, the Summer wind would always be your song.

Chuck's pact.

i'll see you somewhere around the world.

whether that would be in watching the pyramids of Egypt.

or running and being kids again playing in a Disneyland wherever.

or back home.
under the southern sunshine.
where we'd be having 2 packs of cigar while filling the night with memories, plans and smoke.

i miss you already.
even when i know that i'd be seeing you in a week. you'll be even staying with me in my cramped room before that day that i'll be watching your back disappear into the departure area.

don't forget to extend my regards to Her Royal Highness.

twice i believed u. twice u betrayed me.

would it be too much if we demand a little more honesty from a person that is important to us? hmmmm...that person also makes you feel that you are important in his life. and you are just good friends. no pressure.

in any given instance of sadness, one would usually associate it with heartbreak. and we go on searching for that heart song.

and for the past days, when i am in a roller coaster of emotions i always turn listening to these songs:

• Music Box - Mariah Carey
• Love Hurts - Incubus
• Open Your Eyes (to Love)
• Any Other World - Mika
• In God's Hands - Nelly Furtado

and i don't wanna go on explaining why such songs. they just sounded as hurt as i am. i realized that falling too much in love, let love alone, hurts. this makes some love songs so sad to listen to.

devirginity. in her eyes.

raech mentioned to me once over the phone that she had a dream. but, she won't tell me that time. it had to be in person. then that day came and she was still ecstatic. the characters: me and a mestizo guy. the plot: my devirginity! and she was like behind the camera as she was actually seeing everything happening. my oh my! my devirginity. with a mestizo guy. uhm, wasn't i the one who is supposed to be dreaming about my own devirginity. at least, in my dreams.

a couple of weeks after, i was having this personal issue with a certain guy. personal. read: it was just my own issue and not of the guy's. crap! anyways, i showed her the picture of that guy. and she freaked out! it was him! the guy in my dreams! gawd rhye! sya un. ok. it wasn't her first time to see his pics. just some old pics i grabbed from friends. but, the ones i showed her that time were the recent. ok, it was startling. i know raech wouldn't lie about anything to me. maybe, she'll reserve some. but, not lie.

but, maybe, she could have been wrong. there is just a lot of mestizo guys. and others would look almost alike. maybe, it is really this guy that i was with in her dreams. i am posting this guy's pics just in case he'll be more familiar to her. afterall, they have similarities. both hot. goodlooking. and everything that is mestizo. well, i think it has to be corrected. they both don't look just like mestizo, but, full-bred. anyway, for clarity's sake, here are some pics for her to compare.






for some reasons, i hope that it was this guy.

raech, tell me you were wrong about the first guy!

uhm, either way, how can you be dreaming my dreams?

too much of making me feel that there's no one to hold my hand

it wasn't a breezy Anawangin-shore morning. but, yes, it was cold. raech and i agreed that the sun rose on the other side of the island, hidden behind the mountains in our back draft. nonetheless, it was a fair wake-up off a tent night. the sea seemed to move a bit farther from the shore. and the wind blowing softly creating cute humps of waves kissing the shore passionately as compared from the last night's hard and torrid.

i was staring blankly towards the horizon and still wishing that the sun could have risen there. what got my attention off morndreaming was when raech and seph rose and started to walk away. ok, i pretented that i didn't pay attention. but, boy oh boy, the fact that there's no one to hold my hands came crushing on me.

story of a girl

beer and raech is not a match. not at all. raech turns into a big red lump as the spirit of alcohol runs down through her esophagus. but here i am, writing my blog entry of her with a bottle of San Mig Light. with yosi breaks in between, of course. she said, that i shouldn't be dramatic enough to make Ate Charo burst into tears, but, having beer is already so much drama. and no. don't think i have to be under the influence of alcohol just to be able to write this. well, that's another drama. in an off way. so drop it.

the first time i met raech six years ago, the anti-social-quiet-me was so the opposite of the perky-enthusiastic-her. not that i didn't like her, but that was just the me. without realizing that we'd be taking the same classes for being of the same course, we met roughly two years after. it was ok having someone familiar in the class. but, having someone seated next to you who loves to talk was a different story. she started introducing her life and discussing things even before the professor had started giving lectures. and until now, i still believe that she's the reason why i did come out off my shy-shiny-shell. until now, i still tell people how i used to be quiet until i sat down next to raech in class. raech, there's the comment box for you to refute it. which am sure you will do.

from then on, we became mates in almost everything; lab-, seat-, class-, group-, thesis-, project-, study-, to eating, shopping, watching movies, to boy-watching, uh, to almost everything. our early-friendship ultimate bonding was eating our favorite longganisa meal *with extra garlic rice for me, drinks upsized to iced tea and with an order of twister fries for each of us in McDo Katipunan. and our dessert? the cute guys from Ateneo. that was our complete breakfast for quite sometime. by then, our favorite hang-out place was National Bookstore, may it be in Katipunan or Crossings Quezon Av where we never failed to check on the appliances and furnitures sections.

in the long run, i had developed a sort-of dependence on her. when i cram on our big-time papers, she remained calm. when i felt full with the butterflies in my stomach during reports or presentations, she was my cheerleader. there was that confidence that i'd be making thru with whatever i do as long as she's my mate. she's my confidante. i can tell her things that i'm not comfortable telling anyone else. and that was just fair, after all, she's shared a lot about her life. even the story of her first menstruation!

there were the down-stories. one literally down-story was when she was slammed down to a chair by her brother, whom i find hot, and who is the same guy behind the wheel in my earlier post passenger's seat.
and how funnily i came in defense of her brother. ok, i just have to mention this to establish her connection with the guy behind the wheels. and who'd forget that one down moment that almost made her laptop fly? that same moment that stained with tears a long table in the ground level discussion room of the Engineering library? i was just waiting for her to call for it then we'd rage war *haha! one thing that i really admired about her, was how she came out strong and in control *maybe not much with her emotions but with the whole situation, in general. and one thing i was saying to comfort her, "sabihin mo lang raech, ipaghihiganti kita. paiibigin ko sya tas idu-dump!" which of course, she found funny. but, the next time that happens raech, now that i've met him, i might just give that a consideration. though, am not sure of the "dump" part now, *haha. just kidding! but, i guess, it's about time that i make this confession: when you said that you were meeting him for lunch that enrolment day, it surprised me, though i have anticipated it already when you said that night before that you'd be talking to him. i just thought we'd be having a lunch out that day. well, i didn't ask why. as i have stopped questioning love when i realized that there'll never be an exact answer to my question. but, after bonding with your high school friends, i seem to know why. and it's scary that am finding the reasons *lol so am shrugging 'em off. on a serious note, i feel confident that you're back to his big strong arms. big-strong-arms that needed a gay-guy's-strength-that-is-me to put up a tent. whew! ok, am still proud of that. but, in case he forgets that gumamela in your bikini, you know that i am just a text away and i can readily take on our revenge.

molded with experiences in like,
this girl, like anyone else, is ordinary.
struggles through pain.
efforts on acads.
endures failures.
success.
this lady is extraordinary.
she handles and faces them with lax and sophistication.
simplicity hidden behind the stern looks.
charm is obvious by the sweet smiles.
raech does whatever she can today
and never waits for the next day.
but she envisions tomorrow with positive thoughts
and as another chance for her to be better.
she stands with what she believes
and opens to what she has to.
a woman of both contentment and wishful-thinking.

-by me, on her yearbook write-up-

the sweet smiles sometimes fade, and from a night's cry, eyebags appear with a frown in your face. but, tomorrow, when the eyebag cream takes its effect, you'd see in the mirror a better person that is you.

sis, remember that bus ride after your party i was telling you about? that it was too early in the morning? and cold? i think i forgot to tell you that the mild rain made it possible for me to see my reflection in the window. it was a look that is missing you and everyone else. yab yu sis!

your share of the alcohol has turned warm. but, since you can't have it, i'll still finish it even i gag to the taste and smell of a stale beer.